Navigating End-of-Life Decisions for Pets: A Guide to Meaningful Conversations and Preparedness

Making end-of-life decisions for a beloved pet can be an emotionally challenging and heart-wrenching experience for families. The bond between humans and their furry companions is often deep and profound, which makes the prospect of saying goodbye all the more painful. 

Conversations become even more challenging when you are not just making these decisions for your companion, but also making them for or with another person. This can happen when helping an elderly parent, making decisions in a family that has separated, or when there are different values and beliefs around end-of-life care and burial rituals. These situations can make an already difficult decision overwhelming, leading to arguments and conflicts instead of focusing on the best care for your beloved companion.

As a community mediator, I assist families and neighbors in addressing these conflicts and having meaningful conversations on various topics, from planning for the care of elderly parents to pet custody. The number one thing I recommend is having these difficult conversations before they become crises with short timelines, real consequences, and when emotions are running high. 

For those who wish to prepare for such discussions in advance, here’s a structured approach: 

Set Up a Date to Talk 

Inform the other party about your intention to discuss the matter. Ask them for a suitable time to have this conversation or invite them to a dedicated discussion date. Create an agenda for the meeting to keep the conversation organized and ensure nothing is overlooked. 

Create a Meeting Agenda 

Your agenda might include topics like:

  • Your beliefs concerning pet death and burial.
  • Your willingness to allocate funds for pet care and aftercare.
  • Criteria for determining the right time to make end-of-life decisions for your pet.
  • Plans for instructing a pet caregiver in case you are unavailable.
  • Contingency measures for decision-making if you’re unable to do so.

If you are in a crisis and need to make decisions immediately, provide the other party with a shorter window for discussion. Instead of setting a date in the future, ask if “now is a good time or if we should talk in an hour (or a day, etc.)”. Share the agenda before you start to focus the conversation and emphasize that this is not an open-ended discussion. 

 

Effective Communication Strategies:

  • In cases of heightened tension, consider using an object to signify the speaker and listener.
  • Introduce the agenda to maintain control of the conversation, yet consider allowing the other person to speak first.
  • Embrace active listening, emphasizing understanding rather than immediate response.
    • Recap what you’ve heard and clarify any missed points.
    • After they’ve shared, it’s your turn to speak, fostering a non-defensive atmosphere. 
    • When posing questions, seek clarification and understanding rather than pursuing victory or closing down the conversation. 

Formalizing Decisions: 

  • At a minimum, write down your decisions and ensure that caregivers are aware of them.
  • Revisit the agreement from time to time to make sure it still aligns with your needs or your pet’s needs. 
  • Consider including your pets in your Power of Attorney documents if you’re preparing them. 
  • For long-lived animals like parrots or tortoises, consider creating a trust for their care.

 

Seeking Assistance:

  • If you need assistance understanding when to make end-of-life decisions for your companion, consult your veterinarian or organizations like Paws Into Grace for quality of life assessments.
  • For official legal documentation like Power of Attorney, Do Not Resuscitate orders, or trusts, seek guidance from local attorneys specializing in wills and trusts. 
  • If you need help navigating these difficult conversations, consider reaching out to a mediator

 

This article was written by Laura M. Lorber, J.D., Pet Custody Mediator. You can see Laura’s website here: https://www.lauralorberjd.com

Dr. Benson started Paws into Grace in 2007. She wanted to give pets and their parents a beautiful last encounter that didn't have to be in an unfamiliar office where pets were often frightened. The empathy she shows each family creates a lasting impression on them. In her free time, Dr. Benson enjoys running and spending time with her family, dogs, cats, and chickens.

  

Testimonials

I can't recommend them enough. I had to say goodbye to my 21 year old cat companion. I read the reviews here on Yelp and chose Paws Into Grace and they made an unbearable situation not worse - from the people on the phone to the amazing doctor who... read more

Renee C.

My absolute love Dante had heart failure three months ago. After having him on many medications to help him, his enthusiasm and appetite declined last couple of days. He was in pain and we decided to help him go to heaven rather than torturing him... read more

Diane C.

I wanted to thank you for sending Dr. Brown to euthanize our beloved Myleigh on March 4, 2021. She was compassionate and accommodating, she explained every step of the procedure, and gave us some alone time with Myleigh after she sedated her, but... read more

Terry A.

Renee C.

I can't recommend them enough. I had to say goodbye to my 21 year old cat companion. I read the reviews here on Yelp and chose Paws Into Grace and they made an unbearable situation not worse - from the people on the phone to the amazing doctor who came out to the house. She was so understanding and supportive. They were all so helpful, understanding and nice. My girl got to stay at home and say goodbye in the backyard (a hummingbird flew over and it seemed like a good sign too). So glad I didn't have to take her to a cold vet office.

Diane C.

My absolute love Dante had heart failure three months ago. After having him on many medications to help him, his enthusiasm and appetite declined last couple of days. He was in pain and we decided to help him go to heaven rather than torturing him with more medications which would make him even more miserable. I called and spoke to a very kind lady who was patient as I cried through making an appointment. We made an appointment for 1:30pm. Dr. Toni arrived. She was very kind, explained everything to us and gave us the time to be with our boy after the first shot. He wasn't relaxing enough so she gave him a second shot. We stayed with him throughout the entire process and I carried him to her car in the end. It was a very difficult decision but knowing that our boy is not in pain, gives us some peace. We are thankful to Dr. Toni for her kindness and compassion. They will arrange the cremation for us. Since we are in a pandemic, we had our masks on and said goodbye to our boy in our garden.

Terry A.

I wanted to thank you for sending Dr. Brown to euthanize our beloved Myleigh on March 4, 2021. She was compassionate and accommodating, she explained every step of the procedure, and gave us some alone time with Myleigh after she sedated her, but before she attached the IV. We were relieved that we made the decision to let her go to doggy heaven at home. It was a tranquil and serene passing for her, and it very much aids us in the grieving and healing process knowing that she passed away so peacefully. Based on the grace and compassion Dr. Brown demonstrated on one of the most awful days of our lives we would not hesitate to recommend Paws Into Grace for others facing this very painful time.
San Diego Orange County Cremation Office